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Sa rg en t The B o s t o n C a s t r a t o 21mm S u m m e r g u i d e 2016 277 fiction By Dan Domench Carrie McLaren Perhaps You Cant Help Yourself H e was ten yards behind her when she heard him. In the cutaway on the back of her bathing suit he saw a braid of muscle tighten. He stopped and she turnedtohimeyebrowsarchingasifonlycu- rious her right hand moving in the L.L. Bean canvas bag hooked on her shoulder. He gently lifted the tails of his shirt up with his left hand to show her there was no weapon at his waist. He kept his right hand loose and away from his body. Id like to ask you he said to leave my girl out of this. The woman stepped to where she could watch him and also look far down the shin- ing sand at the edge of the waves for the girl shed been following. Gone. He watched her work out the problem. She committed to a decision and walked away from him toward where she had last seen the girl. He followed just out of her reach. Theres an athletic confidence in your gait he said. Youll have to dampen that if you hope to improve at surveillance. You must have heard it before from a trainer maybe but perhaps you cant help yourself. If it makes you feel any better your partner at the hotel is worse. He wants people to no- tice his authority which of course becomes no authority at all. He likes his gun quite a bit likes to touch it. He needs to be chained to a desk dont you think I dont know what youre on about she said her voice TV American with a British rhythm. He moved to her left closer keeping her body between him and the gun in her bag. Let her go home he said. You give me that and Ill give you something. You want to bargain she said you should make a call. This is the call he said. Dont be mad at me. You knew there was a chance Id cir- cle back on you. You took a risk and so did I. It was wrong to ask her to meet me here but I needed to see her. Now Ill do what it takes to keep her out of this. Shes important to you she said. I need to know who she is. She has nothing to do with us he said. Us she said. Were old friends The problem with you guys he said is you have too much money. Old days you wouldnt track me here. Youd wait until I arrived in Boston let me have my vacation. Theres no thought to this at all. She scanned the ground ahead. Youre a branch on the tree she said. I follow branches to the trunk cut the tree down stand on the stump. Whats that he said. A song Youre smarter than this. You need to stop march- ing long enough to hear what Im saying. This is you she said. The guy they warned me about Funny thing he said I was warned too but I didnt believe it. They said you guys would be all over me. Said all you cared about was doing OBrien because maybe he passed some money around and someone is talking and now you look bad because your boss said Boston was clean. I will tell you that OBriens taking responsibility and wants help wants this to work out. I can help him and we can help each other. She followed the girls footprints up a dune. You might get her he said maybe find out where she lives or go after her at work. But she wont be easy. She knows what to look for who to contact. And theres noth- ing there so itll look weak and you dont want that. Im asking you to make a deci- sion here. Call it professional courtesy. She walks away. You do your job she said I do mine. Nothing personal. I made a mistake meeting her here he said. I wonder if youre making a mistake right now. Youre from a military family is that it Proving yourself I know you had to be twice as good as the men to get this far. But all of us have blind spots. No exceptions.